♥ Life's one big ass party.

NeedIsaymore?

2010-12-04T18:31:00.001+08:00

afraid.
disturbed.
overwhelmed.
at wits end.
falling.
broken.
far away.
unsure.
crippled.
mask.
lies.
pretender.

hide.
run.
death.

you can't save me.

Cold..

2010-11-18T04:37:00.000+08:00

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

There she goes..

2010-11-17T02:48:00.000+08:00

I've done this one too many times in my many years of living.
Too many times for my own good I'd say.
Let your guard down,
open yourself up to people,
get to know them too much for your own good,
invest feelings and emotions,
build it up all in your pretty little mind....
just to have them all shoved off a shelf like an expensive crystal vase.

But is it just me?

I just hype myself up with thoughts and ideas.
Building castles in the clouds :/

Round and round we go, where we'd stop? Nobody knows.

2010-11-15T02:22:00.000+08:00

Hello hello, (like anyone actually reads my stuff)
I know it's been a while, blame me for my inability to consistently put up posts.
Greetings aside, lets get down to business.

Uncertainty.
This would be the best word to represent my thoughts right now.
Lately since i've practically "all-the-time-in-the-world" I ponder among many things that have, are and will be happening.
The curse of an idle mind.

And the outcome of all this pondering is.... me, feeling uncertain and most unnerved with it all.
Many questions circle my brain over and over again like the laundry going round and round in a washing machine.

To my dismay I can't present myself with definite answers.
I think no one can...
I yearn for answers as to where I will be in the years to come?
what will be of me?
how will I be doing in uni in the next semester? (last thing I wanna do is upset my parents like the previous sem)
Where do I stand in this world?
.. and the questions are simply never ending.
It's not like I can pick up ye' old magic 8 ball, ask a question, flip it over and get my answers. right?

Do I go left? Or do I go right?
Do I submit? Or do I fight?
Do I stay? Or should I go?
All these questions,
In time we'll know.

Like I said, tons on my mind.
As Pooh Bear would say.. "Oh bother!"

This is all for now, till next time.

Home

2010-10-21T07:57:00.004+08:00

Hello, it's me again.

As many of you might or might not know, I just got home from Aus.

And I was wondering to myself, what really made me miss home?

I thought bout it throughout the first night since i've gotten home,

and yet i was unable to pin point out why.

Yes, there's the scrumptious food my maid cooks, my family and yada yadda yadda..

but still...there were so many other things that made home, HOME.

And it hit me at 7.30am after waking up miraculously early and as i wandered out of my room to find that no one was at home except for my maids.

the rooms had no people in it, but it didn't feel hollow and bare as it was when i was living alone.

And as i walked around my house i began to realize the little things that made my home, HOME!

home to me was..

the smell of my sheets and pillows as i go to bed at night,

the familiar scent of detergent in my clothes,

the smell of my dad's cologne he puts on before he goes to work lingering in my parent's room and the entire upstairs of my house,

the sound of my maid washing the clothes in the backyard and the other sweeping the fallen leaves off the yard,

the sound of the birds chirping melodiously in the morning and the barks of my dog as the newspaper delivery man zooms by on his motorcycle,

the faint but distinguishable roar of my parent's car engines as they pull into the driveway,

my mother's nightly routine of watching chinese shows at night

chatting and joking around with my maids..

all these little things are what constitutes a home, my home to be exact.

and these were all the little things i've missed when i was away.

IF I..

2010-09-29T20:51:00.005+08:00

If I hugged you,

would you never let go?

If I kissed you,

would you cherish that moment?

If I reached for your hand,

would you take mine gently?

If I needed a shoulder,

would you let me cry on yours?

If I needed to talk,

would you really listen?

If I needed to scream,

would you do it with me?

If I needed to go,

would you come with me?

If I fell for you,

would you catch me?

or just let me hit the pavement?

Walking on air.

2010-09-29T05:38:00.003+08:00

couldn't feel much better
than the way i feel tonight
feel like i could live forever
feel like i could fly
when i thought i'd get it wrong yeah
you somehow make things right

that's the way you make me feel
better than i've ever known it
better than it's ever been
i can't seem to control it, no

it's the way you make me feel
like the sun coming up in the morning
like holding the world in your hands
in a way i could never imagine yeah
the way you make me feel

Game over...I'm the fool once again

2010-09-21T00:53:00.000+08:00

Once again I sit here with this taste of regret in my mouth,
thinking to myself, "why the hell did you foil again?!"
yes, I've been a fool.
I've deprived myself of countless opportunities to be happy..
or maybe to feel what is claimed to be "happiness".

I was too quick to reject.
too quick to put up a front,
too quick to pull back, push them away
and give them the cold shoulder.
only to realize that I've shunned away something or someone
that could've been good for me.

but alas..
it's too late to take back what I've done.

I was just too stupid.

Don't hold your breath..

2010-09-15T23:24:00.001+08:00

Suspense.
According to an online dictionary 'suspense' would mean..
a state or condition of mental uncertainty or excitement, as in awaiting a decision or outcome, usually accompanied by adegree of apprehension or anxiety.

Everyone loves a lil' suspense in their lives. don't they?
Without it, I'd figure life would be rather boring..i would say BLAND.
Nothing like a lil' something to keep you on the edge of your seat, eh?

There's always this thrill that comes with watching a horror movie..a silent moment where you wonder if a headless freak will pop out in the dark screaming like a deranged banshee?

the suspense behind every page you flip when reading a story book.

or the feeling that your heart is beating a million times a minute during those last few moments before you flip over that exam results slip which will determine where you stand in life. Will you be boxed up and shipped away with the stupids or will you shine and gleam with the ''successful ones''?

or maybe a woman waiting to find out if she has conceived. the path to a wonderful future or to doom?

the excitement you feel wondering if your boyfriend of 8 years whom is kneeling right in front of you is going to 'pop the question' or is just simply retying his darn shoelaces?

honestly, it could be anything.
suspense can come with anything.
and with these anythings, so many questions.
so many outcomes.
so many consequences.

You tell me.

2010-09-06T14:26:00.000+08:00

Ultimate happiness. or maybe even happiness.

Is there such a thing?

Seems like every time I'm given and inch of it, it gets snatched away the very next minute.

Everything is temporary I reckon.

Nothing ever lasts forever.

Even your bones that will lie in the ground will deteriorate and turn into nothing but dust.

I leave it up to fate now.

There's no other way but up from here ( or is that what they want you to believe?)

2010-09-04T23:17:00.000+08:00

Here I am again..
blogging about my misery to whomever has the time to actually read this pathetic blog of mine.
I know I'm getting really whiny these past couple of days but this seems to be the only outlet for me to vent and rant.
So please bear with me for the moment.
I'll get myself out of this rut.
soon I hope.. :/

Haven't been getting much sleep lately..
although I've been hitting the sack at the oddest hours.. 8-9PM (can you believe it?!)
I seem to be getting up every 2 hours only to find out that it's still dark out.
whats wrong with me?
is it due to the fact that I'm unconsciously worrying about my problems that it's affecting my sleep cycle?
I'd reckon it is.
Oh bother... :/

I'm really contemplating the idea of going back to KL..
but I really do wanna study here and not be called a quitter.
since when is Jasmine Saw Shu Yen a quitter?
I hope I don't start being one.

I didn't think that I would fall so low.
Being in this state of mind and what not....
Guess this is just a hitch as they say,
I'll soon pick myself up and dust the dirt off my clothes and carry on.
I really do hope that I don't lose myself before I do get a chance to get back on my feet.

oh god, I'm feeling really sleepy now..
thank you problems for all the emotional and physical energy drainage.
looks like I'll be hitting the sheets now.
yawnn..

Drowning

2010-09-02T01:23:00.005+08:00

Hello hello..once again I've made my way here to ramble on about my life, thoughts and feelings in hopes that I will eventually feel better with/about myself after putting it out here for the world to see.

For those who don't know yet, I've left the land of nasi lemak, roti canai and hokkien noodles, and I am now here, in Australia..Melbourne to be exact.

Living on my own in a single room apartment, smack in the city where druggies and drunks roam the streets.

Enrolled in the second year in RMIT's Professional Communications programme.

New campus, new semester, new lecturer, new friends...

And, failing miserably in uni and in life.

I am lost.

I am.. very. completely. extremely. utterly. incredibly. LOST

Everything ain't as peachy as it looks like on the outside.
On the inside I'm lonely, afraid, bewildered.
No words nor pictures can measure up to how and what I feel.
The feelings altogether so overwhelming, brings upon a sensation of drowning or being smothered with several pillows. Or maybe just being in a pit that one can never get out of.

I don't know what to do, how to do it and and if I can actually do it.
How do you pick yourself out of a rut and get on with life?
Do you ignore it and bury it under everything, hoping that it will never resurface?
or, do you solve whatever it is that is bothering you on the inside?
or, do you just look the problem in the eye and show it who's boss?

I thought I was strong. Looks like I'm not strong enough.
I thought I was independent. Guess what? I was wrong again.
I though I could make it out here, and maybe be one of the better ones. Oh hey, BINGO! Wrong again!
Looks like lots of things that I used to think were something were just all badly made assumptions.
I'm probably this lil' girl who lies in bed under her sheets crying. Helpless, pathetic, useless and at a dead end. hoping that life miraculously picks itself up.
Tough luck, that's not gonna happen.

I used to have my shit together. I was at the top of my game.
I knew where I was going, I knew what I wanted to do and how I was gonna do it.
But now, I question myself over and over again about some of the decisions I've made.
Some of the people I've come to know.
But hey, don't we all make this sorta mistakes every once in a while?
or is that just me?

Once the life of the crowd, now I stand in the background.
lacking confidence, lacking that drive to be out there.
now, I struggle. Struggle to make it day to day..
I struggle in life..studies..relationships..friends...
and with myself and all the demons I hide.

I've realized. I AM that scared "lil' girl". the little girl who hides in the corner sobbing into her raggy clothes.
I've pushed people away, back then and recently.
I just push and shove because of this fear.
The fear of feeling hurt and sorrow or having to feel this huge chunk of your heart had been ripped out with bare hands, ever again.
Never do I want to feel it again. Not now, and not in the future.
However, that seems like poppycock in reality. impossible they would tell me.
There's only so much running and pushing away I can do till I alienate the ones around me.
and before I end up feeling lonely and regretful.

With my mind askew.. sometimes I think so hard, trying to figure out or to fix things that my mind just goes blank.
My brain is so overworked that it refuses to function anymore.

I'm constantly feeling tired, my sleeping patterns are all screwed up.
I'm eating my feelings away..now with junk food, tonight with a bag of chips, tomorrow with cookies and coffee.. and so it goes on.
This vicious and ugly cycle that I have succumbed to.

You know what? I'm feeling so down I just don't have the will to blog bout this anymore.

My mind is in such a mess that I can't even think...let alone blog.
heck, I don't even know what I'm talking about.
I'm just putting down whatever comes into mind. I don't even care if it flows.

fuckthisshit. seriously.

Bacon and eggs!

2010-04-16T18:22:00.004+08:00

Lil' ol' bored me was browsing around and came across this little picture a couple of months ago.

I thought that this was absolutely adorable!

'You and I go together like bacon and eggs!"

Kelly Osbourne and fiance Luke Worrall

I thought that they were a very unlikely couple.

They are of total opposites in looks and body structure.
Totally mismatched in short.

However now after doing some reading up bout them,
I do think they make a great couple.

The have been together years before Kelly started shedding her weight

(which recently happened while she was on Dancing With The Stars)

This has really made me believe that there is still true love out there.

You don't have to be stick thin like Gisele Bundchen, have abs like Jessica Biel

or have lady lumps like Kim K.

You have potential to be loved by someone who looks good without looking like a supermodel yourself.

What they have is just wonderful.

THERE'S STILL HOPE FOR US
NOT SO BLESSEDLY ENDOWED!
hooray!

Here's some of shots of Luke and some of

Kelly and Luke throughout the years.

Enjoy! (:

LUKE

(don't be surprised if you see some pretty questionable shots of him like dressing up as a lady, wearing skirts and what not. all part of being a fashion model)

Kelly & Luke

Out!

But darlin' you are, the only exeption.

2010-03-23T04:01:00.000+08:00

Hello yall, it's been ages since I've been on here.

Haven't been tweeting much either.

: /

...........

.........

.....

looks like I have nothing much to say.

sorry I'm not a blogger like my sister is..

too bad.

As the world turns..

2010-02-20T02:59:00.000+08:00

I'm here again.

Just another flash in the pan..

Been feeling down in the pits lately..

once again these feelings of loneliness, pain, sadness and fear

overwhelm and consume me like an angry raging wave

dragging me to the dark depths of the ocean where I should lie eternally.

One word that sums up all that up there?

Depression.

Early this morning, came a monsoon of never ending painful tears

with no obvious trigger.

however, there are things brewing under this surface..under the skin of this being.

deep in my flesh and bone lies a darkness, monsters and horrors that cannot be unraveled.

With this sick mind of mine, I truly believe I'm destined for the nut house..

that is if I live long enough to make it there.

suicide! suicide! suicide!...shouts my desperate soul and mind.

Morbid are my thoughts..

considering to follow them through.

my will is weak, my mind askew.

the reason why?

I just never knew.

My time will come, soon I hope.

If I don't make the new day,

my words here, I say to you..

I've loved you all in this life..

too bad you never knew.

goodbye one and all..

I love you.

"When you stop breathing, the world doesn't stop turning."

It's days like these..

2010-01-28T00:02:00.001+08:00

Ferry Corsten ft. Novastar - Because

Greetings!
looks like I haven't been updating as often as I should..
but, here's one to add to the list.

the usual drama-rama ensues..

saw Richard Durand and Sean Tyas spin at KL Live with Ken Loong..

been feeling really sick...almost met my maker..

almost told ~~him~~, but I miraculously became a mute as soon as I opened my mouth
and all I could hear was a squeak...FML

Hating the traffic at SS15 whenever I need to get to college for classes.. especially at 3-4pm. ABSOLUTELY HATE IT!!

guess that's it for now..

and..just for laughs..

Did I just make you LOL?

I know you just did :B

I'm so human..yeah yeah

2010-01-16T02:20:00.001+08:00

Listening to: Lady Sovereign - I'm so human

So, it's been week 1 of college for me.
mann....
yeah, that's all I can say for now.
been playing chauffeur to my sister, WeiYen to and fro college..
I guess you can say that in this week...
I've found out the truth bout lots of things and people around me.
'nuff bout that for now.

Been getting all the necessary documents for uni application,
running to and fro from the student's offices to this and that office.
strange isn't it, I've been waiting for so long to get outta here,
now in this point of time seeing that I'd be leaving real soon..part of me feels like staying here.

Seeing as the point of me leaving is inevitable..
I've learnt to look at things from a "this is what I will miss when I'm gone" perspective.
so far, I'm deffo gonna miss momsie.
after dinner tonight we got talking,
i asked her what would you do if you know the world is ending..
and she answered " nothing, as long as i know i've done a good job, been a good person ..blah blah blah"
part of me was hoping she'd say something like "i would wanna see you all for the last time and tell you guys that i love you before the world explodes to smithereens"
that'd bring some tears to my eyes...hahaha
but anyways, we did say some funny stuff though..
I said something like "in all the unmarried women's case, we'd all be grabbing any man and running to the church all fighting to get married in a hurry since the world was gonna end"
momsie as always will say some lame stuff which make you wanna laugh your balls out (if you had any) :P
So yeah, I'd deffo miss that.
Weird of me to say but, I'd miss the smell of her, her perfume and all.

sighh...
I'd really miss my maid Cita too - "mommy 2"
she's like a best friend to me,
all my secrets and what i feel she'll be the one listening to me whine, bitch and cry bout it.
and she's my "boyfriend"..gonna miss hitting the movies with her.
man oh mann, I'll deffo miss her cooking big time..... very VERY VERY much.
sad thing is she won't be able to fill me up with my fav stuff before I leave cos she will be back home in the Philippines for the holidays. damnnnit!

Let's see...what else I'd miss.
I'd miss my best friends..Aaron, James and Masedenal (my "half brother")
My dog, oh boy, my darling boy Patches, gonna miss him ALOT!
belongings wise, I'd miss my bed and my room.
all my shoes. no, wait a minute, I'm taking all of those with me :P
my artwork on my bedroom walls.. and my picture wall.. ):

so far, this is what I've been feeling, or whatever has been hitting me recently.
I bet you a million quid that I'd be bawling my eyes out and get extremely touchy at least a week before I leave.
Wanna take that bet on? haha..
we'll see on the 23rd or June 2010.
we'll see....

I'm out!

this facade..

2010-01-10T16:47:00.001+08:00

Listening to: The Ian Carey Project - Get Shakey

I must be feeling depressed again...
uninvited feelings begin to course through my being..
every pump of my heart sends these feelings deeper and deeper into the depths of my soul.
I feel as though it'd only be appropriate that i cower in the shadows of my room..
afraid to show my hideous self, my deformities, my imperfections..
cutting out all communication with the outside world.

ever feel like you're alone? even in a room full of people?

i do.
ALL THE TIME.

Beyond this facade, my disposition is unruly and emotionally charged.
constantly judged for what lies on the surface
or maybe, for what I am.
on the inside, inadequate, ugly, untalented, unloved.
hard to believe, but true.
don't judge a book by its cover.
you may never know what actually lies under.

to the naked eye, it seems that i'm having the time of my life,
but within this shell lies thoughts, emotions and feelings unimaginable.
to you I will not lie,
but I feel life, unbearable.

Weird food? yumms :P

2010-01-09T01:06:00.001+08:00

Beating cobra hearts, barbecued bat, conch, giant sea clams?
Huitlacoche (corn fungus), roasted guinea pigs, nutria, rocky mountain oysters (bull's testicles)..
sounds yummy to me :D
although some stuff maybe gross like yak buttermilk tea and stuff
I think I'd take up the challenge and give it a goal.

So, this genius idea came to me last year.
ya know those shows you see on the travel channel of people eating weird foods from all over the world?
Andrew Zimmern's show on Discovery's Travel and Adventure channel?
alot of the stuff he's tried, I've tried too.
and the other stuff, I wouldn't mind trying at all!
seriously, alot of the stuff the big guy has tried out,
I would so love to have a go at..
it's fun to try out stuff we think is weird but it's actually totally normal to that particular culture.

I'd reckon with me being a girl and the girly sorta type,
it would rope in tons of viewers! don't ya think?
I mean hey, watching a man eat those stuff is ok..
he's supposed to be all manly and macho and eat all that shit
but what if it were a girl? a girly girl!
wouldn't it be just so entertaining??

Some of the weird foods I've eaten are:
1.sago worms - yummm
2. balut (duck foetus) - super yumms
3. pig's brain - yummeh
4. scorpions, crickets, grasshoppers, water roach - tastes just like chips, I swear!
5. duck's tongue
6. squirrel meat in chinese soup ( not very tasty and it looked like a rat cos my maid didn't chop it's tail off)
7. soft shell turtle ( you can just see the jelly bits which is it's shell)
8. coagulated pork blood soup
9. snake soup
10. fish brains
11. frog ( actually i think alot of people do eat that)

and the list goes on ..

My maid is coming back from Philippines with Balut next week, **yay!**
annnd I'm thinking of starting a weird food blog on YouTube..yes? no?
I could start of with the balut that is coming next week.
hopefully it'll jet off from there.. and it will hopefully become something substantial.
good idea?

So guys, I need your opinions on whether I should..

A) start the food blog.
or
B) NO. not a good idea.

and if yes, what would like to see me eat?

Please leave me your comments, and I will decide to carry on with the plan or scratch it
according to your responses.

till next time..
'taa bitches! (:

2010

2010-01-06T03:38:00.000+08:00

Happy 2010 y'all!
Hopefully we won't fuck up as much as we did in the previous year.
"learn from the past, move on to the future" as they all say.

Anyways, my new year's celebrations were taken down a notch..
maybe not only a notch,
probably several hundreds of notches.
stayed home with the fam,
drank sparkling juices, ate popcorn..
had macaroni and fruit cocktail (a pinoy delicacy ala Cita).
it was a good change i think..
better than getting trampled all over in a club
or worst!
getting sprayed with foam and crazy string by random fuckers.
so yeahhhh...good change. (:

How did you spend your new year's eve?
Party? No party?

Anyways, the new semester has started..
just enrolled yesterday..
gonna be my last at Inti and then i'll be home free bitches!
no more Inti and SS15..(you'd figure tha I'm really sick of that place cos I've been living in Subang all my life)
also, inquired bout getting into RMIT at idp.
seems like it's gonna be a tough one...
gotta write essays and shizz like that.
if i don't manage to get in, Deakin is probably the backup plan.
but I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for RMIT.
*please! oh please! oh pleeeaaaasssssseee!!!!*

although..really wished that I could go to the states,
oh well...at least it get to go somewhere that's not here.
I'm A-okay with that yo.

Guess I'm done for now..
Happy New Year again! :D
taa'

Face off, yo!

2009-12-31T23:02:00.002+08:00

Who clubs on a Tuesday??

I did.

Dj Sofia and MC Mal

For y'all who didn't know..
the DJ Face Off finals was held at Quattro on Tuesday
featuring up and coming scratchers and mixers of the club music scene.
Since my my former neighbour Sofia aka. DJ Sofia was one of the finalist.
being such great big sister... :P
James and I played babysitter to my sisters and their friends
just so they could be there to support.
In the mix of underaged groupies were
my sisters MeiYi and WeiYen,
and their friends YeeMae,YeeLyn and Vincent.

and yes,
all of us crammed into Jame's Honda Accord.
hahaa..

pics of the night..

the babysitters

yeemae.yeelynn.weiyen.meiyi

vincent
haha I love this boy :P

vincent.me

The DJ and MC

being the youngest DJ there (16 years old!) she did pretty good,

good feedback from the judges..

and guess what?

she managed to get 2nd runner up!

congrats (:

Holli-olli-dey

2009-12-30T09:42:00.005+08:00

Listening to: Dishwalla - Opaline

As promised...
here are the Langkawi pics!

Air Asia

- the flight that always delays!

"Welcome to Langkawi Island!"

one of the few pools at the resort

the sleeping chambers outside and in

our HUGE bathroom and dressing quarters

At Langkawi cable cars park

aka. Oriental Village

mommy just couldn't resist, she

NEEDED

to have her picture taken with those gorgeous white flowers.

part of the yummy RM600.00 buffet BBQ dinner

on the ferry to the snorkeling destination

the island.

my mommy! (:

mommy, myself and Jason (MeiYi's bf)

staring at fishies at the bottom of the pier.

yummms...ikan bilis! :P

so that way my vacation summed up in a couple of pictures.
wish I could've had my friends with me
and also, wished that I bought me some of that super cheap alco! D8
pity..pity...
the urge was strong..very strong indeed..
better luck next time! :/

Langkawi pictures, courtesy of SawMeiYi

Merry belated Christmas!

Langkawi

2009-12-22T03:26:00.002+08:00

As y'all know,

I was in Langkawi over the weekend..

now I'm back here.

In short, The Meritus Pelangi hotel was top class,

heyyy..what do you expect when you're paying 900 bucks a night for a room eh?

BBQ dinner at the hotel was superb, breakfast buffet was so so..I've had better in Thailand..

Alco was unbelievably cheap, however I didn't get any at all.. *boohoo!*

Went snorkeling with mommy and my sister's friends.

on the whole besides, the unbelievably cheap alco and chocs..

Redang still pwns.

The water is so much clearer and stuff.. hopefully we'll be going back there again.

This was my room, which was shared with my sisters of course.

we had 2 rooms...one for the rents' and one for us.

one of the cutest things I saw at the duty free shops were the mini Heineken Kegs.

sho' CUTE!! i was so tempted to get one.

awesome for home parties, no?

More pics up from my sister Mei Yi's camera.

will be posting them up soon! (:

FML. Seriously.

2009-12-16T23:51:00.000+08:00

Listeningto: Papa Roach - Getting away with murder

I'm in the middle of a mental and emotional breakdown..
for those who have seen how I've looked recently..
ugghhh...NOT a pretty sight.
The amount of kg's I have to lose? - a whopping 9-10kg
FML

I'm thinking of popping by the pharmacies tomorrow
and getting me some of those carbs and fat blocking pills.
gotta lose weight..get back to 50kg at least!

and FML (Fuck My Life moment of the day)
this happened when I got out of bed in the evening.
having immediately getting out of bed made me not realize
that my left foot was numb.
so, as I stepped on to the floor my foot was not place properly
and landed ankle side down. FAAARRKK!
and VOILA! it got twisted.
And the best part is that I'm leaving for Langkawi on Friday morning.
How the hell am I gonna go snokelling, walk on the beach and yada yada..
when I can't even walk to save my life?!
FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML!!!!

so now, im hopping round the house like a one legged retard on crack.
and also having to travel up and down the not 1 but 2!! flights of stairs in my house.

I admit it's a good workout,
but it's no fun when you are tired and in pain..and you run out of railing mid staircase - FML
and you have no choice but to crawl up on your knees.
Its excruciating for me because lack flesh and necessary cartilage in my knee areas
thanks to a whole lot of figure skating and sports.
FML

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2009-12-12T02:47:00.000+08:00

To my buddy Monkey..

HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY!!

his many "finger" poses

get what I mean?

hahahha (:

Ooohlala!

2009-12-12T01:34:00.004+08:00

Get ready to have multiple orgasms! haha..

Definitely not for dieters and the faint of heart.

WARNING!:These pictures may contain severe foodie pornographic material and are not suitable for minors.You may suffer from severe production from salivary glands.Viewers suffering from high cholesterol, heart disease/ cardiopathy, you are advised to look away. Thank you. (:

The Steakinator

2 8oz Prime Angus steaks with braised short rib, cheddar cheese, bacon and a fried egg on a toasted cheese and garlic sourdough bun.

Upside Down Mac & Cheese Pizza

A layer of mac & cheese sandwiched between two cheese pizzas.

The Sex Panther

Breaded schnitzel, bacon, cheese, ham and steak in a hollowed out bun.

The Fat Bastard Burger

Burger with triple beef, triple bacon, triple cheese and carmelized onions.

Year of The Triple Bypass
A burger filled with chinese BBQ pork between two pork buns.

I personally love avocados. That's why this delicious looking thing is up. HAHA!

The Baconcado
An avocado filled with goat cheese and wrapped in bacon.

HOLY SHIT!

This one pwns all!

Doesn't look that tasty, but it's a fuckin' monster!

World’s Largest Burger

A 185 pound burger is the latest Guinness World Record holder.

More to come guys...
there's gonna be some post bout how some of the americans I know have this obsession
of putting bacon into stuff like chocolate.
weirrrdddd I tell you.
and for all you with sweet tooths,
there'll be a post of the artery clogging goodies up very soon!
so watch out for it!
toodles!

Titleless

2009-12-10T00:20:00.002+08:00

Here's post numero 3 since I've revived this site.

Big shout out goes to NAJWA for today is her birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAJ! (:

Went to the dentist today.
got ma' grillz all made up.
now, I'm pimpin like Nelly and 50 Cent yo'!

haha no, I didn't get any grillz put in
just a regular ol' check up.
but shiny silver or gold plated teeth would be awesome no?

In the afternoon, had a date with the love of my life...
*swoonnns*
and who may that person be?
why its a lady of course ;)
and she's so funny, sweet and best of all...
she loves me.
why...she's non other than my MAID or 'Che che' (sister in chinese language)
she's been with me for 16 years already and I love her A LOT!
she's the closest person to me, even closer than my own mother.
I swear if you sum up the amount of hours I've talked to her and
how many secrets of mine that have been shared with her..
and compared to with the hours I've spent with both of my parent's combined.
their percentage total doesn't even come close within a miles.
The day when she actually decides to leave will be the day that my heart is torn into two.
wow...even the thought of that happening is already bringing tears to my eyes. ):

anyways, back to our lunch date,
took her to Subang Parade and bought her lunch at KFC (yummmmms...)
because that was what she wanted, not me being cheap.
while we were having our lunch I told her bout this documentary, Food Inc.
What's Food Inc.?
Well it's sorta this documentary on where our food comes from and how the food industry handles it. somewhat like that.
It's really interesting, after watching it you will be thinking twice when you're eating at McDonalds , KFC and all those fast food joints.
if you haven't seen it.. GO WATCH IT!
cos it's just stuff you'd never imagine.

after lunch ,headed to Toys'R'Us to check out those little kid tricycles
for her grandson.
damn that place brings back lotsa memories.
then after to Carrefour cos she wanted to see the other toys there.
then it's back home for us.

since then, I haven't done anything much besides sit in front my laptop
staring at the screen for countless hours.

guess that's all for today..

tomorrow night partying at Maison. WOOHOO!

myself.alicia.dunnowhatshisname

derek.alicia.myself

Take me anywhere, I don't care.

2009-12-09T02:27:00.003+08:00

Listening to: Hot Chelle Rae - Bleed

Surprised I'm back so soon?

Yeah, like I said.. gonna get this site up and running again.

To most of you SPMers out there..

congrats! the nightmare is over.

time for you guys to go insane before the next nightmare kicks in.

and by nightmare I mean college.

figured out which course you're enrolling in?

No?

the options are endless!

you can do business, accounting, sciences, the arts,

mass communications, tourism, hospitality, culinary arts, piloting...

foundations course? diploma? SAM? AUSMAT? ADP?

yada..yada..yada..endless!

In my case for instance I already knew what I wanted ever since I was in high school

and that was mass communications.

So, since I already had my heart set out on that,

I jumped right into a diploma course in INTI Subang.

My time in INTI is almost up, another 5 months to go

and rhen I'll be flying off to aussieland.

Speaking of aussieland..

The gang from australia is back!

Samantha, Moi, Qing Yang, Roshern and etc etc..

and what does this mean?

means there'll be alot more late nights in my schedule as well as a lot more alco in my system.

Party everyday, party everyday!

Can you guys believe this?!

Armin's spinning at Zouk this Sunday.

Damnnn...I wanna see him so badly.

If I don't go, Ken won't go..

annnd I won't be attending Zoukout in Singapore and even S3quence in Thailand.

goddamnit!..

I'll be missing Armin at all 3 venues

this sucks balls BIG TIME!!

Please tell me there's gonna be a rave coming up soon.

I'm in a desperate need of one.

toodles!

New and improved!

2009-12-07T15:40:00.005+08:00

Listening to:Steve Aoki - Drake - Forever (feat. Kanye West, Lil Wayne, and Eminem) (Steve Aoki Remix)

Guess what bitches? I'm baaacckk!

Yeah...after MIA-ing for what seems to be lightyears..

decided to revamp this place.

Just popped in a coupla of widgets, change the tunes and this is a work in progress, change the header picture.

Hopefully this time round I'll be able to toss in more pictures into my posts.

Keep your fingers crossed!

Annnnd do stay around and see if you can spot anymore changes.

One big present for whomever can spot the upcoming tweaks. :D

Now here is a photo recap of what's been going on being MIA and all.

some of the pics are from my days at G2 BAT

Enjoy!

Kent Nanotech @Space

HSE Barnights

Masquerade@Maison

@7atenine

@Frangipani

@ ALIYAA

My Thursdays @Maison

Ken's 21st Birthday @Poppy

That's all for now.

taaa bitches!

Epic car wreck!

2009-09-29T01:54:00.007+08:00

Hey all,

it's been yonks since I've made an appearance here.

loads has been happening.

In a nut shell:

got a car (white myvi) and totalled it agaisnt a coconut tree - pictures. please gasp as loud as possible.

working as an intern at G2 under the BAT account. -which y'all might not know stands for British American Tobacco.

hmmm... still no sign of a boyfriend. - pffft.. like that's new.

Today, took the KTM for the first time in my life.

a first for taking public transportation to work. - damn those aunties are ganas when they wanna fight for seats)

booked me plane tickets to study in The Land Down Under. but guess what, I've yet to apply for uni, and I leave on the 23rd of June. - great great..what if you don't get accepted into RMIT?

dyed my hair from strawberry blonde to a dark mahogany brown. - albeit, it's losing it's dark sheen after a week of washing and I think i can see some blonde streaks. so it's more of a golden brown

Drastic reduction in clubbing / partying - I'm getting old..TOO old.

.....that should be bout it.

I'm fuckin' tired right now. was in meeting for almost half the day.

so, tata people.

Just hold me, kiss me, and say that I'll be fine

2009-06-10T21:26:00.003+08:00

Hello all,
it's been a while since I've blabbered here..

Anyways, nothing spectacular has happened really in the past uhh.. 2 weeks??

mmm..well, maybe there's one..
last Sunday, momsie finally let me take the car out
ON MY VERY OWN!
Yes! Your eyes deceive you not!
I was utterly literally on cloud 9 as they might put it.
After momsie went to her mom's place to visit,
I took the car out and went to buy daddy's favorite food like
vadai (those indian fried stuff one that's made with dhal and one that looks like a doughtnut but has spices and onion inside of it) and cendol in SS15.
then I got some KFC to share with WeiYen and some other stuff..
being in sucha good mood, I actually didn't mind blowing off the remainder of my allowances for my family.
In fact, I was totally broke after that.
But who the hell cares??
I was just too happy (:
later that evening I went to the gym,
why not further fuel the endorphin overdrive?
endorophins baybeh! ENDORPHINS!

just in case you don't know what endorphins are, they are this sorta hormone your body produces which elevates your mood. in other words, they make you happy.
so, gotta love 'em endorphins!
whoops, i think i've overdone it with the endorphins.
whoops! there I go again...
why not one more for the road?
ENDORPHINS! :D

Hmm..besides that, nothing much has been happening.
Haven't been partying much..
staying home like the good girls do. hahahha
yeah right, this home girl streak would only last so long.
sooner or later the party girl will be back.
hopefully :S

OMG!
I'm absolutely gaga over this!
What am I talking bout?
GOSSIP GIRL!
yes boys and girls.. GOSSIP GIRL!
you've gotte love the series, seriously.
watch it and you will know what i'm talking bout.
some of you might think its just a show about rich upper east side girls
partying, boozing and sexing.
defying their parent's orders, sneaking out and all that sterotypical jazz..
well, you thought wrong!
there's actually a moral to each episode and it really makes you dig down deep at times.
mother and daughter, father and son relationships, relationships,
winning losing, revenge, deceit, lies, learning who you are, admitting your mistakes and changing..
just a small portion of the GG enchilada..
to those skeptics out there and whatever holy sex is bad type of people ( not meaning to diss)
but just open yourself and don't judge too quickly,
you just might be wowed.
I just totally love the plots and the ending to Season 2!
I was screaming, jumping and clapping with joy,
gasping in horror and all that throughout the whole season.
the suspense and all..just makes it a god damned good series.
i would swear better than Heroes.
I never got the hype to why it was so good,
it got boring in the next season..
like totally yawnnns..

I ♥ Blair!
in so many ways you don't know..
great role model type.
and she's totally got brains, and she's pretty, fashionable, hot..
oh, me likeyyy.

Anyhoo..
it's crunch time for me.
gotta study for tests, do assignments, project planning strategies...
oh dear god, we're all gonna die D:

time to work it baby!
taa' bitches! ---OUT

You're half a world away, but in my mind I whisper every single word you say..

2009-06-02T23:45:00.001+08:00

Hey ya'll..
THIS is must blog about...
FREEDOM '09!!

I swear! A&B were fanfuckingtastically awesome!!
Sadly, they had to end at 2.
Damn the authorities ):
Ken was so upset when he couldn't meet them..
aww...next time Ken.

Ken came around 3 after picking Kevin up,
left for Malacca round 3.45?? after picking up Negar and Sara.
Reached round half and hour to 6, got dinner at the most civilized place Ken's GPS could find which was KFC

I think that was the hippest restaurant in town. hahaha..
after dinner got the essentials for our drinks, red bull, coke, ice.. and off to A'Famosa.
just as soon as we parked, Ken set up his mini bar at the back of his car.
First time Kev, Ken and I had red bull as a mixer.
Damn, it IS good..
couldn't taste the whiskey at all, prompting me to drink more. hehehh..

Somewhere along the line while we were drinking and lounging on the hoods of other ppls cars, some Singaporean car that was parked next to us backed up to leave, to their dismay the driver drove them into a ditch and couldn't get out.
So, who came to the rescue? Ken of course! haha
took them a few tries to get the car out.
the bumper, ..lets just say it didn't have a happy ending.

Singaporean women drivers..tsk tsk

this is priceless,
not long after, I busted my upper lip in effort of opening the car door.
sorry, no pictures.

So, after consuming half a bottle of Black Label,
made our way to the event.
along the way we haggled with the salesgirls for those blinking bangles.

It took us about 5 or 6 checkpoints where they'd check your bag, tix, shoes, clothes and whatsoever before we could finally get onto the grounds.

Tooki pictures, played games, saw the Expression stage and then made it to the main stage.

Chilled there for abit cos no one was actually there yet.

At 10, left for the car/mini bar to get more booze and got back in time for Tydi .
On the way back into the grounds, Ken and I were super high and we were like power walking as fast as we could to the entrance and then to the stage.
Along the way, we haggled more for glowsticks to wear as bangles and make chains.
We were so tipsy we were giggling and laughing and arm in arm made out way to the main stage as fast as we could get while the other went to use the port-a-toilets.
We were smack, right in front of the stage!
Met HanChen in the crowd. Who can't spot his awesome tatts?

Tydi wsa great, awesome beats.

After an hour or two jumping, screaming and dancing and shouting Tydi's name,
he left and it was A&B's turn.
Ken, Sara and I went nuts!
we <3>

only 2 of its members Tony and Paavo were there sadly.

Don't think I need to say much bout their perfomance.
you guys already know what I'm gonna say. hehe
the bass was so strong it was messing with my heartbeat,
Sara, Negar and I couldn't take it at a point and went to sit and enjoy the laser show.

and I fell asleep..guess cos of the alco and woke up when i heard satellite and ran back to where Ken and the rest were.
can you believe a cup of water cost us RM7?!? insane..
it's just water yo'!

In the end, they had to stop spinning at 2.
god damned authorities ;(
poor ken, he was so disappointed.
should've seen the look on the poor boy's face.
awww...

after the show was over we sat around and powered up with KFC again..
then left to Negar's friend's bungalo,
we called it the Iranian after party,
since we were all too tired we made out way back to KL.

I nodded off in the car only to wake up when we reached Sara's place.
After dropping them off, went to kevin's house. Since me and Ken planned to have dim sum, we rested at kev's place since it was still 6 am in the morning.
Ken watched National Geographic and all while i fell asleep on the couch,
woke up at 8 and off to dim sum.
After brekkie Ken sent me home, slept for an hour then went out for lunch.

I shall end there...
i know its getting god damned boring.

A&B!
sorry Steve Aoki, I'll see you next time (:

Things change..

2009-05-23T16:23:00.003+08:00

The Bloody Beetroots ft. Steve Aoki - WARP (click me! (:)

This song fucking rules!
Another great hit from Aoki.
It's playing on my imeem playlist..so enjoy!

AOKI or FREEDOM?

I'm seriously rethinking my choice of going for FREEDOM and missing Steve Aoki.
Thinking bout it, I can save a whole lotta money if I choose Steve Aoki,
I'm giving up Mr DimMak for Ken's FREEDOM and Above&Beyond..
sighh..and I have no clue whether ......forget it..
Maybe I should start swearing off men for a while...
considering the fact that I am an EPIC FAILURE when it comes to guys..
holygeeezussbeeezusss
guess it's nerding for me and boys off my mind..
haha..we'll just see how long THAT holds up.

been packing on the pounds..
A BIG NONO!
oh i dunno..
I'm totally in denial with myself..
so much in denial..it's practically stupid.
I should be shot!

EDIT
yesterday to our dismay, we didn't get to eat at Shogun,
the line was freaking ass long!
I had to wait 2 pages full of names till I get my table.
we were all VERY disappointed, and in the end we had Hartz Chicken Buffet
WHICH i would like to announce to the world is totally rubbish.
Albeit we paid RM21 which is pretty cheap and the roasted and fried chicken were (thankfully) juicy and not dry,
the rest of the stuff there was utter shit. cheap ass zero quality food.
no wonder the place is packed during fasting month.
So SO disappointed ...grrr!
hopefully we can go next week,
I'm DYING for some jap food!
This time, I've learnt to make reservations (:

---OUT

1..2..WHOOP WHOOP!

Am I invisible, cos you see me right through..

2009-05-17T22:59:00.002+08:00

Hello y'all!
Yep, it's me again.
It's been a week since I started my second semester of the year,
trying to get the hang of things such as waking up before 8am **groan,
sitting through hours of lectures and paying attention and the usual assignments, projects blah blah blah..

Just completed a part of one of my projects of the semester,
and its a CSC project. Finally something I actually have the upper hand at
among all these computing stuff. Blogging!
Here's the lowdown, with 3 in a group (Esther, Janice and myself), we're require to maintain a blog about a certain matter (e-Shopping) and each of us have to post at least a post every week for 10 weeks, which mean 3 posts per week totaling to 30 posts within the time frame of 10 weeks. Not gonna go into much detail with this, but if you wanna check it out head to http://before-you-buy.blogspot.com/. comment, chat, put up some ideas if you wanna, that'd be awesome popopossumm.

Something that's been bothering me bout this new sem..
I'm very well afraid I'd flunk this sem considering the fact I didn't do so well the last
also due to the fact that bleeping New INTI decided to revise it's whole grading system
making it hard to score like Monash's system.
But credits to Monash for having such a jaw droppingly fantabulous campus.
I was literally OOHH-ing and AAHHHH! - ing every where Ken Loong took me.
It's just aaaammmmmazzzinnng!
Now THAT's what I call higher education.
C'mon look at INTI, such a vast difference.
Back on track,
well, yeah I'm afraid, but I'm gonna try.
wanna leave this place as soon as possible.
dear god! PLEASE!!

Now, I've got another 2 offers to for modeling,
however I don't have a portfolio,
mummy decided to allow me to create one so i can get jobs,
gotta call uncle Simon to help me with it since he is a professional photographer and all.
and yes, he's really my uncle.
hope it's not too expensive of mom will definitely change her mind.
an agency is requesting RM350 without a professional make up artist and RM500 with a make up artist and another was requesting RM600 with a make up artist.
Mommy's eyes definitely popped out of her skull when she heard the 600 and 500 bit.
heheheh. everytime comes with a price I would say.

Some stuff I'm looking forward to...

SHOGUN! with Cita(my maid) on Friday after college hours.
Since there's promo going on, might as well right?
I'm drooling thinking bout all the salmon sashimi, salmon head, cod head and oysters I can get my hands on! ***droooooollll

FREEDOM '09 with Ken Loong! Above and Beyond!
roadtrip and RAVE!
It's gonna be fucking through the roof!
Need I say more?
12 more days yo'!

Anyways, I'm out bitches!
FREEDOMMMM! ---OUT

Here we go again..

2009-05-05T23:23:00.002+08:00

Now playing: Steve Aoki - D.A.N.C.E. (MSTRKRFT Remix, With Justice)

Hello all,
my 2 weeks are up.
back to Inti.(the hell hole)
it's literally a hell hole cos its so freakin hot.
went to college today to get enrolled,
stayed back, and boy did I regret it.
I was literally melting!!!
and worst of all, I was only wearing short shorts and a tube top.
I think I would roast and die if I wore a shirt and more covered up clothing.
die die die!
I really hate the heat **groan

And now..
good news! good news!
Patched things up with the parentals after I wrote them letter which was like 2 and a half pages long which took me all night to write and at least 20 pieces of paper torn up and thrown during the composing process.
Lots of tears were shed, but it's all worth it.
To end this bitter feud was the ultimate win.
However, it would not happen without the help and advice of
The Paul Fam aka Mr PaulMall, Ken Loong and Kenderick Lee
whom really listened and helped me through this ordeal.
Seriously, without you guys listening to my crap and blabber,
I would probably be sitting in a nutters home drooling and singing nursery rhymes backwards. hehe..
So, once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart (:

Now, me and Ken are absolutely raving bout this

FREEDOM '09!!

Above&Beyond, Ferry Corsten, Mike Schulz and more!
At A'Famosa,Melaka
for 2 DAYS OF FREEDOM!!
Clear your plates and set these dates!
you wouldn't wanna miss this!
Quick! visit the Freedom '09 site for more info!
If y'all are interested, gimme a call or PM (:
We'll plan something out.

I think is is all for now folks,
gotta hit the sack for my tv shoot tomorrow.
don't wanna go on the tele looking all crappy and shit.
Well boys and girls, this bitch it ---OUT

I guess you just don't know me..

2009-04-25T22:45:00.003+08:00

Lotsa people mistake me for being the pampered,
the bitch, a whore/slut,the daddy's girl, party girl,
high maintainence..and whatever I've yet to hear of.....
which I'm sure I will sooner or later.

On the contrary you judgemental people,
I must say, you don't know even a ball's sack full bout me.
So before you stick such labels on me,
you better make god damned sure you know me.
I've had enough labels hanging off me than an
item on sale at the shopping malls.

All I see..

2009-04-25T00:12:00.003+08:00

Right now, all I see are the digits on my Tanita electronic scale
rising to my horror day by day.
Back then, I'd have "panic attacks" and immediately swear to myself
that I'd cut back on the food and exercise more.
Nowadays, I seem to persuade myself that I "look good"
although that little voice that's ringing in my ears are telling me
' It's a lie. Why are you kidding yourself when you know how serious this is? '
Truth be told, yes, I do know that I am lying to myself.
And I've let myself go too far with all this "self lying/persuading".
Thanks to all that, I'm 5kgs overweight and
I'm not feeling good AT ALL.
Honestly, I feel disgusted with myself when my eyes catch a glimpse of my
increasingly padded frame day by day.
This is when the lying/persuading comes in.
Then I'd wander downstairs to find food, my comfort.
God! How I hate my lack of self control these days!

Somehow, I think its due to the emotional and psychological turmoil
that has been bubbling under the surface or quite some time now.
Hence the weight gain due to emotional eating.
Dr S thinks I should move out. and prolly cut ties with them.

Arguments with the parentals, relationships....
just some of the significant issues of the whole lot.
Sometimes, I wish I could run away from it all,
or just wave it away like a cloud of smoke.
But this is life baby,
nothing comes easy and its full of disappointments.

I think daddy is gonna cut ties off with me sooner or later,
the relationship between he and I has just gone way beyond saving.
I don't think I can take anymore of trying to please them,
trying to stand out and shine in their eyes.
Everytime I try, I'll screw up somewhere and somehow along the way,
and in the end, I get fucked for it.
And you don't know, I'm a people pleaser,
failing to please my parents just makes things worst for me.
and all I want is for them to love me.

Fuck 'em all!

2009-04-23T02:55:00.002+08:00

Shuzy is very pissed right now.

Why?

Cos of some fucker who hates my guts.

The little miscarriaged 'PaulMall' foetus is staring at me. O_O
had too many for an hour.

Ahh whatever, just fuck it!
All my efforts down the drain.

I don't give a damn anymore. Period!

Go somewhere and stick it up your ass!!

.............
............
.........
.......

Fuck! even pouring my anger and hate into this post ain't working.
so much for therapeutic writing..
arrrghh!

*looks at foetus on box, looks like its gonna be you and me..

I was online with Mr P last night! :P

2009-04-21T22:19:00.004+08:00

For those who are feeling very confused with the post title....
don't bother finding out.
It's just something really random that P asked me to do.
haha..See P! your identity is not revealed.
Don't want all the girls who thought. no, STILL think you're cute to
stalk you here as well. XP

Aaaanyways,
enough of P hogging the limelight for now..

For y'all who don't know, I'm officially on my 2 week sem break now.
No Inti, no 'snake' ( hisssss-hissssss), no assignments, no fucked up taxi drivers, no horny old stalking men and no AC for 2 blissful weeks.
BLISSFUL weeks?? who am I kidding?
You and I both know that I'll be at home rotting my brains out soon enough.
I need people to hang out with!
Be it day, night, mid night, morning..you name it!
You know what? This reminds me of Paris Hilton's BFF series.
I should probably hold auditions..hmmm?
Odds are tumbleweeds would be the only thing that would show up.
LOL.

hmm...yesterday was the first day of week 1.
this is what i did..
was up the whole night, Zhaf called at 5? then we chatted till 7.30am,
he came over, got lost in the process, went to wash his car at Caltex, fagged,
went to AC bout half an hour later, fagged some more, chatted, I ate,
his friend came, fagged some more, chatted more till 12pm.
got my order of fries, Zhaf sent me home and went back to AC for CC time.
boys..

Week 1 Day 2
Went to bed at 6am, got up at 10..went to the dentist all groggy and stuff.
fixed me tooth, had lunch right opposite the dentist's, saw Ame and Jinyi walking by,
went home for a bit, went to the IC department, updated my IC,
went to pyramid alone,got myself a flip flap ..those solar powered thingies in a pot.
had Carl's Jr fries..yummmms
and that yummy veg concoction they have at the dressing counter.
walked around like a fool some more
got myself some strawberries and cream from Gloria Jeans and PaulMall-ed. (inside joke)

hmmm..who knows what i'll be doing tomorrow.
..................................
.................................
.............................
.......................
geeez..I'm blank.
Oh well...

maybe I should hit the ice rink with Ziyin sometime soon.
my blades are dying to cut ice again.
its been aaaagggesss..

I'm BORED.
entertain me.
someone.
anyone.
please?

see ya bitches---OUT

I've found what I've been waiting for.

2009-04-08T16:01:00.008+08:00

Now playing: Breaking Ties(Flow Mix) - Above&Beyond

Heylo..this is gonna be a quickie.
mmm..sorry bout not updating as often as I should
but lemme tell you. I've been up to my eyes in projects and assignments.
Most days, I don't even get as much as 3 hours of sleep! how heinous is that?
I can tell you what my late night muchies consist of..and i think those are the things that are actually keeping me alive right now.

Shuzy's late night food (lifeline)

carbonated drinks (7up/Sprite/Kickapoo/Excel/ F&N ZApple) - I add water to my drinks though, cos they are all too sweet.
Mamee Instant Noodles (Tom yam/vegetarian) or Mi Sedaap (chicken onion flavour) - sorry folks, I don't like Maggi Instant Noodles. I can literally taste the MSG in it.gross!
Tapioca chips
Bread
COFFEE! lots and lots of it! For some insanely odd reason, I like Tesco's Choice range of coffee.Somehow it tastes so much better than Nescafe.Dude..I'm serious bout this. I think its alot more milkier- ish? and it doesn't have that sharp sourish taste. So yeah, GO tesco!
Ice (?) - can this be included in the list? I need alot of ice and water, I tend to overheat like a car engine. Need to keep cool or my brain will fry and I will eventually die. LAWL..

Hmmm.. that seems to be it. So yeah..that's my daily night binge while I crack my skull trying to complete 'em frickin assignments and projects.

I might not be bearing as many responsibilities as some particular classmates, but I've tried my best, I seem to be very incompetant at CSC and TV and Vid. CSC just makes me go all wide eyed and I'll stare at the screen for endless hours clicking every possible button in the Adobe Director programme till I so luckily tremble across the solution.

Essie, if you're reading this, I'm so sorry for calling you up whenever I can't find the solution, you're like a freaking pro at this. I'm just really blur at all this CSC stuff. thanks for all your help!

Next topic!

I'm officially 19 years old now.still young they say..yeah right. I think I can feel age catching up with my body as I age year by year.What am I saying?? I'm only 19 for christ's sake!
I'm not kidding. I DO feel the age, as my mom says whenever she sees signs of her unevitable aging.

Had a very short lived night at Barclub with my lovvies, close pals and some others who are tag-a-longs of friends. However the night went, and however I may have exposed myself to the world that night I wanna say thanks to my dearest brother Lum Ujin for organising the night for me, and taking care of me after he fed me the deadly 10 shots of tequilla for me to down in a cocktail glass and lastly for being there with me on the eve and morn of my turning of 19.

21 glasses of Black Label downed, 5 seconds from the bottle and 1o shots of pure tequilla on the rocks downed all on an empty stomach. Fucken insane right? That's the price you have to pay when it's your birthday and you have as many crazy friends as I have. Most of the whiskey was brought to me by Ken Loong who made it his mission for the night, which was to get me drunk. Miraculously, I didn't get a hangover the next day, YAY!! and instead, he did.LOL. And to add to the thank yous, thanks Thomas for carrying me into Ziyin's car and thank you Ziyin foe being the driver. haha...and as for Sam and Mei San, thanks for letting me expose my underwear to the world and laughing and camwhoring as I lay there dying. hahah..I love you bitches!

...........enjoy! (:

Now a little on the relationship department..
uhh.. lately after whats been happening, I'm no more in a position where I can complain about how I don't attract guys.
However, lately all of them boys just seem to ...

Have no aim in life.
Example: I aim to be big in the future, like the CEO of some big shot advertising company or maybe CEO of an event company or if I'm lucky enough, probably own an advertising company or event company. Yeah, I have big dreams. But anyways, back on to the relevant part of the example... so yeah, I am working towards those goals.However those guys are either at a total BLANK at what they want and what they wanna do/be in life OR they are just happy and willing to be a sales person in a shopping mall for the rest of their life. like WTH? I'm not being mean, but I think I should be with someone who has an aim. and sorry, someone who dreams to have be something big and not working for it compared to some one else who is actually working towards it is a TOTALLY different thing altogether. Don't you agree?
Posessing very few or no similar interests.
I'm completely puzzled with this. I have no idea why the guys I seem to attract have VERY few or no similar interests as I do. Whenever I'm on the phone with them there'd be long and silent pauses as I rack my brains on a topic of conversation that would be interesting and general enough for the boy to actually participate in the conversation instead of listening to me yak for miles about something he has no clue or whatsoever bout that topic. Most of the time, I initially run out of general topics for me to strike up a conversation, till I've realized that I recycle the same topics over and over again with the same person. Boring, no?
Having no similar interests in music.
For example.. guy 1 loves sappy love tunes to listen to when he feels emo/suicidal.
Guy 2 however is a korean music/drama/movie fanatic. Guy 3 is an "anything'' guy. Whenever I ask them whether they like Indie/Trance/House music, they'd pause for a moment and say 'Yeah yeah I do!'' But God knows they haven't an inkling of an idea what I was talking about.
Have Clingwrap habits.
What do I mean by Clingwrap habits? Example: Guy 1 started talking bout marriage, kids and growing old with me upon less than a week (4 days?) of knowing him. Guy 2 keep calling/sms-ing to say I love/like you when I barely know him. Guy 3 had to call every damned night to talk on the phone for 4-5 hours about nothing.I totally ran out o stuff to say and kept recycling topics. And guys 1 and 2 would call/sms all the time to ask what I'm doing or where I am, where am I gonna be after I'm done what I'm doing. Geeeez..I hate guys who go Clingwrap on me. The guy I'd be with is someone who is independent and doesn't need me to report to him where I am or where I'm going, whether I'm in the loo taking a dump or scratching my dog's back every 24/7! I think it's just freaking stupid when guys behave that way. I'm sure they have their own life and things to settle instead Clingwrapping.Don't get me wrong, I totally understand it's fine to know what he or she are doing but to a certain extent I'm sure.
SPACE boys! SPACE!!

Oh god, I'm getting sick of typing the points out already

After all those flops. I've actually found someone I'm totally into. We can talk, we have similar interests, and he's independent and he has an Internet connection! (: definitely a must have cos I'm an Internet freak as well. So yeah, I like him , I don't think he knows I do. I've no idea whether he is just being really friendly cos he's the type who is great with everyone and girls as well or, he likes me as well but just hasn't said anything. hmmmm..I wonder..

Aaaaannywaaays.. good news!

Above&Beyond are coming to KL for another smashing rave. Can't wait for it!!! Details of the location have yet to be released. Hopefully it'll be out soon enough. I really wanna go for this. Heard their shows are freakin awesome!

Here comes the end of today's update. Don't give up on me or this blog just yet, I've yet to burst back into my blogger mode. hehe.

So much for this post being a quickie.LAWL!

Finals are next week, so, wish me luck! (:
over and out bitches! ---OUT

What was a dream.

2009-03-09T23:37:00.008+08:00

I had a dream, you and I.
Standing in a field,
staring longingly eye to eye.
in witness of the greens,
the sun and, the sky,
I gave my everlasting love forever,
you and I.

I had a dream, you and I.
Hand in hand by the sea, underneath a cloudless sky.
Told me you love me,
and I cried.
Cause I know you'd love me
till the day we die.

I had a dream, you and I.
driving in your car,
watching trees roll by.
You kissed my lips and I closed my eyes.
Knowing I am safe
with you by my side

I had a dream, you and I.
you told me, I want to be that guy.
The one who'd love me till the day we die.
Would stay with me forever,
by my side.
and give his everlasting love
to him and I.

Dropdeadbaby!

2009-03-07T22:43:00.006+08:00

\\\ \ \\\

These are awesome shitz.
Me likey eggs ;3

Hello girls and boys.
I'm back again. Yep. It's me.

So, this will be a quickie since I'm up to my chest in work/ assignments/projects.
Mmhmm..Shuzy has been THAT busy.
Poor me ):

Anyhoo,
reason 1 for not being here.
Pure laziness / lack of minutes in my day.
That needs no explanation.

Reason 2.
I'm organizing chairwoman of my college's Mass Comm Day which is next Wednesday.
So yeah, this has been giving me massive headaches cos I have some
hissing dumb ass cunt of a Head of ~~Programme~~ Problem.
You DMC-ers know who he is. His name rhymes with 'pang'.

In this semester I have this sudden big love (no,not in a lesbian way)
like I was saying..I have this sudden big love for Ms Violet cos she
has been nothing but nice and helpful through out my brain cell damaging
ordeal with Mr Problem. *refer to pang
So, thank you Ms V.
It's a shame they are letting her go. *sniffs
Mr Problem is certainly a dumb ass of a cunt to let her go and
only to be replaced by some chinese ed(no offense to those chinese eds)
who can't speak proper English.
So, shoot me if i have to go through another year and a half with one of those
teaching me , especially Mr Hiss-a-lots x___x

I can't think of anymore substancial reasons per se
other than this whole semester is just killing me.
A painful, slow and not to mention ass busting stressful painful death.
Even I, the freak that normally goes to bed at 5 am and wakes at 9 for classes
am finding that I am definitely not getting enough sleep.
I'm pretty much a zombie in Nikes.

Something new happened today.
I had agreed to go back to seeing a psychologist or therapist..whatever they are..
So, today I had my first session.
Boy, i woke up a mess and was so tired.I literally couldn't open my eyes.
So, as I waited for my session I slept on the couch in the waiting room.
I was dreading it would be those docs that are old fat and go
'mmmm ahh hmm..and what do you think is... or how do you feel?"
ya know those formal ones. but to my surprise, i liked this one.
he's not the the typical droids you would expect.
the dude was nice, seemed fairly interested in helping instead of just prolonging your session so he could squeeze you dry of cash.haha
he's certainly got his methods right.
I'm kinda looking forward to see what this one can do for me.
hopefully it works. fingers crossed.
Although I must say, I did tear a little during today's session.
One of the reasons why I haven't been in therapy for a while.
Crying in front of strangers...
I do miss Singapore.
I miss it very much :/
But seeing how much it was upon mommie and daddy
financially as well as physically and emotionally,
I'd spare them the burden.
Also another reason why I declined anymore therapy..
financial, physical and emotional burden for them.
Somehow I'm always the one to blame for that.
So yeah..
But anyways, here its cheaper. way WAY cheaper.
not to mention minus my personal air plane tix which are no piece of candy.
and dining in the many Crystal Jades.
Oh how I miss Singapore. *heartache*

Enough of that.
The thing that made me grin all the way back today was
You wont believe this.
After my therapy session, mommie made the most outrages request.
"Take the keys and drive home"
I was like WHAT???
Dude, I couldn't believe my ears.
Drive back from PJ to Subang??
Very VERY hard to me to believe that she even said it.
It took my noggin a couple extra seconds to actually process what she just said.haha
Guess they are very happy that I'm finally going back to therapy.
and this is what I get as a reward.
haha. mommie is smart. Smart woman :D
Haha I was grinning from ear to ear as we were walking to the car.
but then, I think I would hire a driver when I can afford one.
Make the uncle drive me round.
haha. or make my future husband do it.

Hmmm..what else do i want to put in here?..

Oh yeah, Moi left for Aussie land ..Sydney that is..
So, I've less one midnight crap buddy again.
went to BarC for his farewell with Clan and the rest of the boys.
It was pretty fun although there was very little booze.
haha yeap, lala nation.
Pics are in my FB account albun titled One less moi moi

One last thing,
Somewhere mid week,
my article on plastic surgery came out in Malaysian Today.
Yay!
Lol I haven't actually seen it myself but I'm hoping to get a copy from Kiru.

Another something to add to my Uni apps.
hopefully all this work with Mass comm Day and the newspapers are gonna help.

So, this is Shuzy signing out.
Till the next one, 'taa bitches---OUT

Deep inside of you.

2009-01-28T05:49:00.005+08:00

damn i'm bored.
as predicted. today, was boring.
nothing to do besides chomping on cookies, crisps and all
those sinful grits which will send all that
extra pounds straight to the chunky munky arse and belly.
and OH NO! the TIGHS!!!
noooooooooo!
fuck! :X
too late.i've already reached that horrible stage.
*groan. yep, all that munching and drinking has
done its evil deed.
gonna need to go reapply for my gym membership.
D:

chunky tighs and protruding belly
NEVER sit well with me.
I get panic attacks and i get all depressed
time to visit the dark place :S
no.yes.maybe.yes! i'm fucking serious.
gaining weight upsets me on a major scale.
all the meager self confidence/esteem i have hovering somewhere in my body
takes a nosedive plummeting to the ground.

i guess edwin was right when he said he thinks i should be really fat by now.
yep edwin. your curse has done its job.
i'm REAL fat now.
*groans again

gym!gym!gym!

mmmm...
although i hate packing on the pounds.
i certainly do contradict myself on an extremely high scale.
why you ask?
the answer would be that i just love food. and i can't stop.
a monkey can even figure this out.

alot of food = extreme weight gain

alot of CNY food = don't you even dare look at a mirror or any shiny surface in fact

dilema....dilema..

now its safe for me to say that i'm free from the clutches or a certain someone
yes.im definite this time :D
after many years. no, let me rephrase that.
after many painstaking years of emotion, tears..yada yada yada.
i've finally reached the pinnacle
where i can say "i dont really give a damn anymore''
so, people who know what the hell i'm yakking bout
i really dont give a damn.i dont know and i dont care :D

dear god
for being the bag lady i am
my GUESS is dying out on me
*sniffles
already Mr LV Pochetta decided to walk to an early grave
now, not my galleria sized GUESS
i love it D:
however i wouldnt mind a Mr Louis Vuitton's
Mahina Dark Denim XXL or Mahina White XXL
XXL preferred :)
looks just like my current Guess
yes, i likey big BIG bags.

gahh..
i should really stop now..
this was something stupid cos i really didnt have anything to do..
been boutique blog surfing since 3 am.
now its bleeping 6.30am!
grrr...! imsomnia.......
see ya bitches! ---OUT

Do you hear that?

2009-01-27T01:40:00.002+08:00

Utmost apologies.

Shuzy has been missing from the blogging scene.
Too many things going on in my mind lately.
and I've just been ass picking lazy to update bout the mundane things in my so called "life''.
Not like there's much of it left anyways.

Anyhoo..
it's the first day of Chinese New Year.
So yada yada yada all the cliches stuff like prosper..joy....good luck and all that funky jazz
I'm making it short and sweet.
HAPPY CNY!
No open house for me this year.
so less ang pao, less food, less joy, drasticall reduced happiness.
therefore resulting in a very unhappy me.
pfftt..i dont wanna speak bout it anymore
it's just gonna rev me up into a frenzied fit.

hmm..college..
ughhh..this sem's timetable is extremely fucked.
c'mon shuzy! another year and a half in this shit hole.
"hang in there"

anyways, the lazy thing is kicking in
so..just to inform you as though it isnt obvious.
i wont be uppdating so much because of my oh so "hectic" lifestlye.
i'll try.
that's right, i'll 'try'.
anyways, im out now.
imsomnia is gonna take my life away D:
taa bitches ---OUT

Back from the dead

2009-01-06T21:22:00.003+08:00

Haha ok..
im not exactly back from the dead..
more like i was just being plain old LAZEEEH(lazy).

As they say 'it's never too late' ,
but honestly, whoever came up with that stupid phrase is sadly mistaken.
To all out there Happy New Year.
To the Christians , Merry Christmas.
to the Jews, Happy Hanukkah,
the Muslims/Moslems Selamat Awal Muharam (lol, im so gay)..
i think that sorta wraps it up.
So again,
Sorry i haven't been here in a while,
like i said.plain LAZY.
blame it on the lazy person living inside of me.

Anyways, China?
China was good.
Besides freezing butts and limbs in -8degree weather
and finding it impossible to get a Sprite
cos no one understood the english name for it ( like if you said Coke no one would understand unless you called it by its chinese name which is Ke Le),
it was awesome.
food was fantastique ( thanks to dad's friends who showed us the good stuff)
transport was oh so good, no need for stinky shithole taxis (thanks to Jackie who meiyi and weiyen thought was very cute but is sadly a married man with a baby and has a degree in hotel management, our driver, always there for us to run into a nice warm Audi)
shopping was a little disappointing for me
cos most of the clothes on sale were winter wear since it WAS winter.
sweaters, down jackets, long sleeved shirts..yadayadayada
no, girls. sorry, no hot chinese guys there.
although there were hot white guys. haha
and BIG THANKS to Uncle Boon and Auntie Perm(awesome shopper)
who showed us great shopping spots and great food.
without them, i think my family and i would've died and have shitty food in China.
in a nutshell, it was all good.
i really think i would love life there
living in an expat neighbourhood(hot white guys)
and mummy and aunty perm can be all supergirlfriends shopping and starbucking together everyday.
although my mother refuses starbucks or any branded coffee chain cos its a 'waste of money'.
pictures of ching chong land/china is up on facebook.

New year's was real simple and quite this year.
spent it at vincent tan's house.
the guys played poker and the girls did what we did best,
gossip and camwhore.haha
it was like a big ol' srikdu reunion.
spent the night over at sam's with meisan :)
pics of this are up in facebook as well.
and the link to my profile is on the right,
if you still havent noticed the big flashing widgets over there.
yes, on the right.

Christmas eve was spent at MardiGras.
it was fun but not so much fun without my clubbing kaki.lol
christmas day and the day after was spent at home..and it sucked..

what else?...
college started on monday but as usual i wont be attending the first week
cos the lecturers are normally busy and all and going to class will be a waste of time.
and besides i have my last driving class tomorrow before i take the test on thursday.
yay! im gonna be an official driver very soon.take that bitches!
sadly i dont think mummy and daddy will be getting me a car
thanks to the economic crisis.
guess i will still have to hitch rides and take taxis or worst,
walk back from college rain or shine with a heavy bag.
groan**

anyways,those who are studying in the SS15 area,
might just bump into you guys there,
if y'all see me, come over and say hi,
dont be afraid.i dont bite.haha
anyways..im out for now,
till next time.see ya bitches! ---OUT

A saturday night of
see hum(cockles),foosball,pool
and mamak & ramly burger at hartamas.\

Baby it's cold outsideee.....

2008-12-13T02:29:00.003+08:00

Hello all from the 'homeland'.
So, now the fam and I are in Beijing.
The flight wasn't so bad..bout 6-7 hours ride.
Touched down at bout 3-4pm.
The weather here is hovering at 5degrees celcius during the day
and 2DC's in the night.and its only gonna get colder.

brrrr! Cam-whoring in the plane :B

outside the airport where we got our first dose of cold.
WeiYen was literally freezing.lol

Sad to report that we haven't had the opportunity to shop yet.
but we will be getting to that as soon as possible when we get to the
flea markets and whatnots on Sunday. YAY!
I'm so gonna get my boots and winter jacket here.
The super chio kind, if ya know what I'm talking about :3

Will be going skiing at Blue Mountain tomorrow.
gotta wake up at 6 and leave for uncle Boon Hien's and Aunty Perm's house
where we will pick them up and one of their sons and its off to skiing.

Besides freezing my ass off over here,
let me just say the food is incredible!
and it's cheap!!
Yes, cheap and oh so yummy delicious food.
I'm most definite that I will be packing on the pounds cos...

we eat every 2 hours.
we eat alot.
we eat to keep warm.
most foods we eat are meat based and full of fat (yumm!)
the food here is fucking good!
etc..etc..(the list is indeed too long)

The first food we had right after touching down in Beijing was..
portugese eggtarts from KFC Select.
Btw, here it's called KFC Select not just KFC and the menu is totally diff from the
menu you get in M'sia except for the fried chicken of course.
Anyways, the eggtarts were goooooooood :3

Then for dinner we went to a restaurant called Hole In One which was built from
an old school house.They even had awesome looking old school heaters, something I've never
seen before.
Had eel which was my fave dish among all.
peking duck, but i think the peking duck i have in KL tastes better.
and some kinda beef dish which was amazing.
the rest of the dishes were awesome as well but not as awesome as those mentioned above.
After dinner we were given some Haagen Daz ice cream which was needless to say, yummy too.lol.

the view from outside the restaurant

inside the restaurant

WeiYen and I

MeiYi and WeiYen

Daddy an MY

Mommie and I

Oh gawd!
yep, definitely will be coming home fatter.
the food here is too good to resist. hehe

the hotel here is not bad either.
definitely exceeds expectations.
however i'm finding it real hard to communicate with the staff
cos of the language barrier and all and apparently
their mandarin differs from the mandarin we speak in Msia.
I hard a hard time telling house keeping and the reception counter that I wanted a universal plug to plug in my lappy.
I tried speaking mandarin, tak jadi.
so then, i spoke in english..housekeeping didnt understand me
and reception passed me around to a few ppl till some guy managed
to understand my broken mandarin and english.
They kept telling me talk slower when i was already talking in slow motion trying to
tell them what i'm looking for. hahaha

the room

Anyhoo..
that's bout it from the first 12 hours in Beijing.
will update when I can.
i'm out bitches!
---OUT

Can I hang with you baby?

2008-12-12T03:02:00.002+08:00

Ida Corr - Let Me Think About It ( Fedde Le Grand Radio Edit)

NO,I'm not in MOS partying right now.
I think I have clubbers withdrawal symptoms.
2 weeks without clubbing?! GAWD

One last post before the fam and I jet off to
Beijing, China at 8am.
Its 3.10am right now and I still have not
packed my bags at all.
I repeat..
I HAVE NOT packed!

Geeez..better get started right after I'm done with this.
Anyways, it's winter in Beijing right now
and it has been reported that its snowing there right now.
Considering the fact that I've yet to have seen
authentic snow, I'm thinking that
I'd be pretty jakun when I see it.

We'll be heading up to some mountain for
skiing and snowboarding!
Snowboarding babeh!
extreme sports, me likey :3

Also the Great Wall of China,
which would be something special.

And most of all the ultimate to do on the agenda is...
SHOPPING!
I am more excited about shopping compared to the other activities on the roster
as you think I can be.
I'm literally bouncing and spasming in delight thinking bout all the cheap shopping I can do.
Ahhhhh heaven, I say
Sure beats sex! :D

anyways, this is all..
I'll be seeing my babies after I get back on the 18th.
then we'll hit the clubs again.

Now,
What I'm looking forward to is SHOPPING!
So Beijing, here I come to raid your malls!
taa bitches
---OUT

Put 'em up.BANG BANG!

2008-12-09T17:31:00.001+08:00

Hey y'all.
uber sorry for the lack of updates.
been meaning to but i just get really lazy.hehe..

so, whats been going on?

Well....

I've been working :)

I've been going for driving classes..
that reminds me I have a class tomorrow at 8am.
6 more hours to go!

Will be going to Beijing this Friday, 12th to the 18th.
Super excitico!!
gonna freeze my ass of though, it's freaking -5degrees there.
lets hope i don't come back a popsicle XP
haha..

k that's all y'all..
freaking lazy now.
till then..
over and out bitches XD
---OUT

Driving 101

2008-11-18T03:48:00.004+08:00

My first experience driving.....

WAS A BITCH!

Don't get me wrong. I swear I drive well for a first timer.
I can park, do the stupid little hill and 2 point turn. With minimal mistakes. Yay me! *little finger claps*

However I have to wait for a month to get my P.
Stupid JPJ.

As all of my friends have been complaining to me about was the CLUTCH.
Driving a fucking stick is retarded.
engine kept dying cos I keep forgetting to step on the clutch while braking.
and the stupid instructor shouts out in the fucking blue even as i am driving well making me immediately wanting to floor the brakes and hence forgetting the damned clutch.
Who drives sticks anyways!?

My arms and tighs hurt.
Again, thanks to the fact that I'm driving a fucking ancient stick.
parking is a bitch cos og the steering wheel positioning.
Arrrrgh fuck it!
8 more hours.....8 more hours!!

The heat in that miniature moving oven they call a Kancil was fucking UNBEARABLE.
For a person who doesn't perspire easily. and believe me, I don't perspire easily, at all.
I was sweating bullets in the little Kancil oven.
Even the back of my shirt was damp.

Nevermind that.
After much perspiration, I got soaked.
OH GOLLY GEE!
Thanks to the fucking typhoon going on outside.
And the stupid teacher made me get out to run in the rain after
I parked the car on which his side of the car was under a shed.
grrrr! idiot retard.

Calm down Shuzy, only 8 hours to go.
Then I will be an official driver!

GOOSEFRAAAABAAAHHHHH!
*inhales and exhales deeply*

Now, after driving. I think I shall start pestering for a car..
hmmm...

Annoying. aren't I?--OUT

Tagged by Rachel

2008-11-16T22:47:00.005+08:00

1) Do you think you're hot ?
Uhhhhh...no actually. Low self esteem issues.mehh

2) Upload your favourite picture of you!

3) Why do you like that picture ?
It was a candid shot and I think it looks sorta cool. haha

4) When was the last time you ate pizza ?
Woah, can't remember O_O

5) The last song you listen to ?
Nine Inch Nails & Static X - Closer (Trance Remix) ..... I wanna fuck you like an animal...I wanna feel you on the inside...
via FoxyTunes

6) What are you doing right now besides this ?
Chatting with Sam :D

7) What name would you prefer besides yours ?
Hmmm some really sexy french name.. I think sexy french chiq names are HOT!

People to tag: Pui Mun, Janice, Vincent Wong, Angelina Saw, uhhh.. whomever?

8) Who is number one ?
Pui Munny

9) Number three is having a relationship with ?
Vincent? No ideaaa..

10) Say something about number five ?
depends on whomever is? lol

11) How about number four ?
my sister..

12) Who is number two ?
Janice- my college classmate :)

Lemme get a toot toot and a beep beep

2008-11-16T02:01:00.003+08:00

Hola bitches!
Guess what I finally did today??
I'll give you 3 guesses.
Did I go shopping? NO
Did I get a bikini wax? NO
Did I pull a Britney? :O Haha Y........ye...sss...NO!

Then WHAT can it be?

Well folks at home..
get ready for it...
ready......ready.....steady....Okay I think you've got it.....
Shuzy finally heaved her big fat ass out of home
and all the way to Pekan Subang's Metro to sit for amali theory!

And tomorrow, I'll be behind the wheel for the first time! woohoo?
Am I excited?
YOU BET I AM!
However, at the very same time I'm sorta nervous.
Nervous? Why?

If y'all don't know yet,
I have yet to ever sit behind the wheel of a real car and driven it.
Turn the ignition on because I couldn't stand sitting in a car which engine has been turned off and it is fanfuckingly hot outside while I wait for mommy to come back from whatever she was doing, yes. even when mommy and daddy actually used to refuse letting me do it, but being the little defiant I was...haha...I did it anyways and in time they didn't seem to mind.

But now, its MY TURN.
Yay! *does little finger claps*
haha I'm such a nerd lah!
Seems like I'll be finally getting my P by the end of the month or early January.
Too bad I can't take the test before my L is 1 month old.
Oh well, beggars can't be choosers.
And I'm definitely a beggar. lol
Guess Jack will have to drive me round when he gets back XD
lol. maybe he will let me practice :D :D *hint hint*

Anyways,
that's all on my lil' update for today.
Will probably blog real soon bout my day behind the wheel. hehe
sleep tight bitches, don't wanna let them bed bugs bite --OUT

Move along like you know you do..

2008-11-15T08:34:00.003+08:00

Hello all!
It's holidaaaaaay time!
as well as party time... heh

So, it's the holidays.
Watcha gonna do?
As for me,
I'll be learning to drive.
YES! FINALLY!
I'll be a maddog driver by the end of this year people! :D:D
I'm grinning from ear to ear just thinking bout it. lol
Then, I'll be partying with my darlings.
and mostly, I'll be rotting at home -____-
grrrr.

Oh c'mon..
pleaaaaaase someone take me ouuuuuut!

Tried looking for a job on Monday,
but I guess they won't be needing my services. grrr.
tried applying in a couple other places but timing ain't right.
I was requested to be hired as a personal trainer at Celeb....
but thennnnn..
I would have to be bounded by a full year contract and be working full time..
I in any circumstances would I break my 1 year contract, I would be forced to pay the company back 1.5K monthly for the remaining months of my contract.
ANNNNND that is not all folks
I would not be allowed to step into the gym for the remaining months of my contract as well.
grrrr.
Edwin sure conveniently forgotten to tell me those little details.
Oh well....

Been going back into the gym after god knows how long!
Feels gooooooooood :D
But Shuzy is a little achy here and there...
needs to stretch those skater and cheer muscles. hahaha
boy i cant do all those flexi stuff i used to do back then..
now its OUCH.

I think I've run out of things to say for now..
so it's out for me and time to go to bed.
toodles~

The fool..

2008-11-14T21:30:00.001+08:00

There's nothing to hide,
away from the world we used to try.
Stunts we pulled in the name of lust,
in you I granted my never ending trust.
Time and memories cherished for eternity,
where we'd stay forever young in memory.
Eternally a mystery, in my mind you and me,
because I know you don't and will
never love me.

Put 'em high!

2008-11-01T18:55:00.002+08:00

Hilary Duff - Reach Out (and touch me)

One more paper to go then...
WOOOHOOO!!
It's party time!!
Finals started on Thursday,
had a paper on Thurs and Friday which had the most
what the fuck!? hours for exams to be held -__-
friggin 5 to 7 pm.
Yeah, like I said WTF?!

But anyways, last paper on Tuesday which is Media and Ethics
then sweet COMPLETE freedom.
I have freedom right now,
heck! I could even go clubbing.
But, nahh I'm a good girl.
Guess the self imposed ban from clubbing till
finals are over did me some good.
eheh.

I'm so excited!!
Party party with my darlings!!
whom I haven't seen in forever. Sam! Ame! and the whole crazy bunch.
miss you all.

so....

PUT YOUR HANDS UP FOR DETROIT!
I LOVE YOUR BASS... -music in the background-

that song makes me feel like really grooving for no apparent reason..

a few more days!! ---OUT

What does it take?

2008-10-29T05:48:00.004+08:00

Framing Hanley - Hear me now

Sleepless nights come upon me lately,
only to fall asleep at the crack of dawn to the
sound of morning prayers in a distance.
Only to wake by noon and to
continue this hapless cycle over and over again..
day by day without fail.

I sit balled up with knees to my chest
in a corner,
replaying memories bitter and sweet in my feeble mind
over and over again.

What does it take to mend a broken heart?
A heart that has been broken a time too many.
The cracks and missing pieces clearly visible to the eye, any eye.
Just like a man of war, heavily scarred for life
in his conquest of battle.

What does it take to erase history?
The history of you and me, us?
Although bitter and sweet they may be,
it pains me so.
Just like a million stakes driven into the heart.
Every single day, every waking moment.
Didn't you know?

What does it take to fill this emptiness?
An emptiness I've been feeling for years.
Alone is what I am,
empty is what I've become.
My soul thus feels like a bottomless pit of sorrow and darkness.

I've given myself to you,
put my heart on a golden platter
presented with everything I have,
everything I am,
Just for you.
Just so you could take it, use it,
and break it again and again.

Without fail I return,
my broken heart and I,
patched up, pieced back again,
polished up and on a golden platter once more,
just so you could do it again.

What does it take for you to see?
That I'm hopelessly devoted.
Hopelessly devoted to you.
Very well you know,
yet convenient ignorance is what you display.

My heart,
use it, break it, destroy it beyond recognition.
Whatever it may be,
the lord knows..
I'd always come crawling back.

What does it take...
to let go?

...I don't know...

2008-10-24T06:54:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
SHEREEN YUEN PUI MUN!!
:)

Hope you enjoyed the dinner that night :)
and hope you have a great 19th darling
with more to come :D

Yeah right!

2008-10-21T14:04:00.005+08:00

EDIT
Looking back at this,
I just realized that the results are actually very true..
Guess that's my problem huh?
____________________________________
Got this from Pui Mun's..
Hmmm...doesn't prove much, does it?

Dating Strengths	Dating Weaknesses
1. Appearance - 87.5% 2. Adventurousness - 83.3% 3. Confidence - 72.2% 4. Flirtiness - 62.5% 5. Financial Situation - 53.8%	1. Pessimism - 83.3% 2. Arrogance - 50% 3. Lack of Essentials - 50% 4. Vanity - 50%

Dating Strengths Explained
Appearance - Despite what some will say, appearance matters in dating. You get high marks on appearance. Just make sure you balance it out with other qualities. Adventurousness - You are willing to try new things and be spontaneous. You want to get out there and really live, and you will attract people with a similar love of life. Confidence - You are sure of yourself and confident of your abilities. Displays of confidence go a long way when attracting a date. Flirtiness - Flirting is a good way to break the ice, and you are a pro at it. Being flirtatious will open up many dating opportunities. Financial Situation - You've got your financial situation under control, which is a very desirable quality. Be careful to avoid guys who are only interested in your money.
Dating Weaknesses Explained
Pessimism - Too much cynicism can be a turn-off. Try to see the brighter side of things and people will be attracted to your positive outlook. Arrogance - You are a bit full of yourself. You need to practice a little humility now and then, as arrogance can be a turn-off. Lack of Essentials - Dating is difficult for you because you lack certain key things, which may include private space, a car, money, or a nice wardrobe. Work toward obtaining these essentials! Vanity - Learn to put a lower priority on looks. Appearance is, of course, important, but vanity is undesireable. The only people you will attract are the superficial.
Take the Dating Diversions Latest Online Dating Quiz

Annnnywheyyyys...
Good news!
Final project and presentation dome today!
Yay!
exams are next Friday till the 4th of Nov
then it's time to...
I don't think I need to say it anymore.
Been saying it too often..hahahha.
And now! I can get some sleep.
Havent been sleeping enough lately,
HALLELUJAH! :D

You kiss my lips and you taste my pain

2008-10-08T22:26:00.004+08:00

Metro Station - Wish We Were Older

'ello bitches and douche bags X)
Missed me? I know it's been long..
haha. Doubt you did.
pffftt!..

Well, its 3 weeks more till finals and then I'm home free
Yeah baby, partypartytime! :D
shake it like a pom pommm :O

But for now....
I'll be sitting my fat ass here at home and
completing my assignments and projects.
Ain't I a good girl? :) :)
Hahhahah..yeah right!
Me? Study?!
Impossssibibbbblle.
lol.

Okaaay...
So, I've decided.
I'm really gonna go get a tatt.
Yessh? No?
I dunno.. I guess I'll get fucked when and IF mommy and daddy find out
but then... aiya... I'm feeling so undecisive now..
mehhh.
Should I go for it?
Jackson says that the star I initially chose is ugleh.
He wants a butterfly but, I'd rather have a symbol than a butterfly.
So I was thinking...
How bout these? Tell me what you guys think.
Numero uno? dos? tres?
Ame if you read this, lets go do it quick! Before I run out of money XP

Enough of the hullaabalooo..
If you didn't already know...
Jackson left for Japan last Friday.
So lately, I've been pretty bored and lonely :/
sad sad..*sniffy sniffles
No more sushi and crapping kaki.
Normally on days that I have long breaks he would
pick me up from college and
we'd waste the time away at Sakae over salmon sushi, kani maki and dragon rolls
till the next class.
Now that he's not here,
damn kao boring lor!
and its only Week 1.
and ya know what?
So far it hasn't even been a week yet.. only 5 days?
Yup, 5 days and I'm suffering of boredom D:
Although we've been chatting online eversince he got there
it just ain't sama sama macam dulu la.
bahhh. gotta get some getting used to me thinks.

Definitely requires some getting used to.
Imagine..
Whats gonna happen in weeks to come??
and this is only Week 1.
Oh lordy! :S

Anyways, I told the dude I'd be driving by the time he gets back.
And I'm gonna be the fucking best driver there is.
hahahha I wished.
buuuuuuuut.. that ain't gonna stop me from trying to make him piss his pants with my awesomepossumdaredevillinghotpotatospicybuffalowingsmaddog driving skills XD
heheheh..me likey :D

mmmm...
that's all for now I guess..
Nothing more for me to blog about..

Oh wellllls..
time for us to get back to our pathetic lives eh.
---OUT

2008-10-04T01:24:00.002+08:00

Hello all..
Just so you know, the boy has left for Japan today.
Spoke to him before he boarded the plane and chatted with him while he was in transit at Changi Airport,Singapore.
Goshh..I really wonder how things are gonna turn out.

Hey moon, don't you fall down

2008-10-02T12:14:00.007+08:00

Panic! At the Disco - Northern Downpour

Hello all..

Yes, it's been way long since
I've trampled over here.
Too much has been going on&too much on my mind.

Hmm.. what should I be announcing to y'all today?

Tomorrow my bestie is leaving for the land of sushi, anime and kawaii girls.
So, I threw him a surprise farewell party last Tuesday
in co-operation with his mom, that is.
Needless to say, us being Malaysian, time is always a hitch in plans.
Hahaha...I said 6.45 guys! lol..
Anyways, things were pretty awesome.
Should have seen the look on your face :)
One last time before you hit the road.
Hope you will be happy in Japan buddy :)

More at Facebook: #1 and #2

Next!
Been clubbing so much lately,
feeling really knackered.
But... I'm still loving it! :D
I'm a MOS junkie now. been going almost everyweek,TWICE!
Although last week we travelled back in time to a place we used to go to
BarCelona! Hahaha..
My hunny ''bunny'' Sam's and Daniel Han's Birthday :D
first to The Curve then To Sunway.
MOS was jam packed so "On to BarC children!"
We got free Flaming Lambos and we partied till dawn
it was FUN although it was in BarC
cause my lovvies were there..lol! :D:D:D

More HERE!

That's all for now folks!
Will update when I'm in the mood.
ON TO MOS TONIGHT!!
for my darlink UJin's bday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING BOY!! :) :)
loveloves<3

Tag

2008-09-29T01:19:00.003+08:00

1. How old are you?
18

2. Are you single?
Yup, single and lonely ;__;

3. In what age do you think you’ll get married?
I've no idea...I'd be very lucky if I manage to marry young.

4. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now?
I'm with no one T_T

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
That's only for me to know.

6. Do you want a garden/beach or a wedding?
Either one will do, as long as I am marrying the one I love..

7. Your ideal motive?
Everything I could ever what in that point of time.

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
Wherever we would be happy I guess.

9. How many guests do you think you’ll invite?
My friends and family..plus my parent's friends and his parent's friends...WOAH! I've no idea
what number that'd come up to.

10. Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?
Both XD Yes, I'm a greedy little pig. *oink!*

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you’d make up on your own?
I'd want something that has come from ourselves because c'mon EVERYONE knows how the generic traditional vows go like 'will you take...as your husband/wife..blahh blahh' so yeah, something made up but sincerely from the heart.

12. How many layers of cake do you want?
Haha..what kind of question is this?! I really have no idea...whatever the wedding planner recommends and looks good at the same time..OH and enough to feed to guests.

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or a simple place?
Not a hotel like those chinese weddings at least!

14. When do you want to get married, morning or evening?
Evening...standing right there saying our vows as the sun sets in the background.

15. You’d rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
Outdoors.

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom?
Haha..why not? We're only getting married once...I hope.

18. Name the song/tune you’d like to play at your wedding.
OMG, there are so many songs I've said I want to be played at my wedding..have to refer back to my playlists...probably Ryan Cabrera's True or Lighthouse's You and Me. And I'd seriously cry if my husband serenades me while playing the guitar.

19. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night, definitely.

20. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
Light and happy?

21. What age do you want to get married?
24-26

22. Describe your ideal husband/wife.
He'd be someone I can totally be myself with, say whatever do whatever.Someone who challenges me in a good way, someone who can make me smile and laugh even if we just fought because all I want for him is to be happy and I'd put my his life and happiness before my own. He'd tell me off when I'm being an idiot just because he cares, someone who protects me and is always watching out for me.We'd try out new things together and laugh it off if we dont get it right or fumble in the process.Someone who I can be adventurous with and makes my adrenaline rush whenever I am with him or whenever I see him. He'd be able to sing (doesn't need to be perfect), have a great sense of humour and looks just the way I like it, because I know even if we grew old I'd still love him with all my heart because he is THE ONE.

23. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?
regular dining please.half the people present would most probably start using the butter knife to slice their steak and the dessert spoon for soup.

24. Champagne or red wine?
champagne of course. the bulbblier the merrier :D

25. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
most probably days cause I'd be knackered right after the wedding and I need everything to just sink in.

26. Money or household items?
Geez! both of course. what can I say? I'm greedy XD

27. Who will pay for the bills?
Both of us of course, it is OUR wedding. If mummy and daddy on either side wanna chip in it'd be most appreciated of course. :)

28. Are you ready for married life?
Sadly, I've yet to be bestowed such a happiness.

29. Do you think you will still be a virgin until you get married?
Hahahaa...errr...you must have missed the train.

30. Will you always be true to your wife/husband?
A solid, yes.

31. How many kids would you like to have?
Two or three.

32. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?
Doesn't matter, as long as its is cosy, comfy, well equipped,decorated well and livable.

33. Will you celebrate silver wedding, gold wedding or diamond wedding?
All if them.

34. What kind of cuisine would you like for your wedding?
Ohhh..so many..I think it'd be fusion with Jap, Italian, Western and a little chinese. I am chinese after all...heh

35. Will you record your honeymoon in a CD or DVD?
Blu-ray mann..those are old school.hahhaa

36. Whose wedding plans would you like to know next?

Amelia Lak
Catherine
Jackson
Ms Joanna
Jillian
Angelina Saw
Vincent Wong
Ziyin

2008-09-15T14:54:00.002+08:00

1. The last person to tag you is? Esther!

2. Your relationship with him/her? Shes my college classmate and sorta my ''decompressor'' when I go bonkers during project/assignment crunch time XD

3. Your impression towards him/her? Lol..ain't it obvious? She's tall, smart and has a spunky attitude.

4. The most memorable thing that he/she has ever done for you? Ohh there's a couple..but there's one when my bag was attempted to be snatched and I fell and bled all over she came with a few others in a taxi just to check up on me.. *sniffles* I won't forget that day :)

5. The most memorable words that he/she spoke to you? CHILL BABE CHILL! ahahaha..

6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will... mmI don't see us as lovers but if we do become lovers, i think we will be up all night discussing the Twilight saga and hot vampires.. XD

7. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will.. uhhh..never thought bout it in this way...

8. If he/she becomes your lover, he/she has to improve on... I don't think there's much to improve on. I think she's great the way she is, or else she wouldn't be Essie.

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason is... uhhh...I completely slacked in my project/assignments/work and started babbling and squealing in high pitched voices like lalas in chinese!!! OHNOZ! Can't blame her, even I would hate myself for that.

10. The most desirable things to do for him/her is... help get her a new wardrobe she desires.

11. Overall impression towards him/her is... Tall,nice and really smart. And YES I mean it.

12. How do you think the people around you will feel about you? Like I'm some sorta hugely fat weirdo blimp.

13. The character for you for yourself is? O_O I don't geddit.

14. On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is? My pessimism.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is? OH! I wanna be so many people.IMpossible to list down...maybe Hilary Duff..? Yes, I still think she is fantastic.

16. For the person who cares and likes you, say something about him/her. Jackson. Dude, i wish you wouldn't go. Like I said, I'm losing my best friend,it's gonna be so quiet when you're gone.

17. Ten people to tag.

Amelia
Adrian Tan
Vincent Wong
Jackson
CatherineLee
JoLeen
Ethel
Amirah Khair
Meiyi
(this is an open thing so feel free to do the tag)

18. Who is number 2 having a relationship with ? [Adrian Tan] Oh I don't know....
19. Is 3 a male or a female ? [Jasmine] Female.

20. If number 7 and 10 got together, would that be a good thing ? [Ethel and ???] Depends on who 10 is.

21. How about 5 and 8 ? [Catherine and Amirah] Hmm..they'd be able to click.

22. What is number 1 studying about? [Amelia] Errmm..I'm not sure what..but I don know she is gonna go to the land of maple syrup! :D If you still don't know where maple syrup comes from, it's CANADA you dufus!

23. When was the last time you had a chat with them? Who them?

24. Is number 4 single ? [Jackson] So far I know. He'd better be.

25. Say something about number 2. [Adrian Tan] Patches :3

2008-09-14T00:56:00.000+08:00

It's the 13th of September annnnnd
my darling LowZiyin just turned 18!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZIYIN!!

Sorry I couldn't go to Space and party with you :(
We'll go club soon okay? :D
Love loveess

Time goes by, so slowly..

2008-09-13T00:25:00.004+08:00

Time goes by... so slowly
Time goes by... so slowly...

Sure enough you've heard the song
Hung Up by Madonna a little earlier this year.
Well, thinking bout time passing by suddenly got me
humming the one of the record winning hits in my head.
And now...
I won't get out!!

Come to think of it...
time both DOES and DOESN'T pass by slowly..
Sure you've heard the phrases
"Time flies when you're having fun" or
"Time goes by as quick as my dead tortoise".
Scratch the last one..I just so totally made that up.

But anyways.... you get my point.

So..back to what I was saying..
Yes, TIME.
Yeah,you have your fast days and you've got 'em slow days.
Either one can turn out good or bad.
Theres no predicting it. Just like a wildcard.

To my dismay..time seems to go by as quick as lightning
when all I want is for it to freeze.
I want to watch everyone in a standstill.
Never to start moving again till I want them to.

Sadly, I am in no power to allow such things from happening, huh?
But like I said, now that I want time and hell to freeze over..
it ain't gonna happen.
It's like..day turns into night in what doesn't seem like 12 hours..
It must be me cos I'm positive that the earth hasn't gone
wonky yet what with all that global warming and shit.
And the hands of the clock seem to be moving
at warped speed before my very eyes.
It's as though Mr Big Man up there is mindfucking me.

Now that time is of the essence ..
I wish I can fully make use of what little of it I have left.
People and things are coming and going.
Some to find their way back and some...
probably I will never hear or see from ever again..

I am cool about it.. I was... initially..
Now, it feels like the seams that were holding me up tight and neatly
are slowly ripping bit by bit..
Each delicate and intricate seam bursting under the gargantuan burden
allowing the very core of me..
every piece of me...
fall apart.
Before the eyes of the world.

Will I be fine?
I have no fricking idea.
I hope I will...
somehow...
Tell me I will!

I've got a feeling that I won't be when due time..
I'm already self destructing..
and I'm not doing much to prevent it from devouring me..
I'M LETTING IT.

I have this notion that..
unconciously, my mind has silently been preparing me for the day..
That faithful day.
That faithful hour...moment.
That faithful event....tragedy.
The other's dream... my nightmare.

I can almost hear the others..
wondering in their minds as though they were saying it out loud...predicting my outcome.
Along with them too I question myself.
Even I don't know or can't even imagine my predicament.
I'm leaving it all to the roll of the dice,
in the game the Big Man has got going up there.
Life Roulette anyone?

If lucky, I would escape lightly bruised,
from which I will heal in due time.
If not, I think what is to happen is unmentionable.
Hard to describe and all the same time
too painful to even think of.

Am I gonna be fine?
Don't ask me!
So I think I am gonna be fine?
Hell's yeah I'd better be.
I mean...
I'm a big girl aren't I?
I've already been through several blows.
What harm can this one be?
I'm gonna be fine...
errr..will I?

Pfffft!...what a lie.

This is how it goes..

2008-09-07T21:47:00.006+08:00

Just Surrender - Is there no truth in beauty?

The weekend is over and I'm going back for my
third semester tomorrow..
Bugger!
Another few months of torture and pain to come.
Arrrrrgghh!!
Oh well, this is what you have to do
if you wanna make it big in the future :/
The things we do to try to secure or economical and financial
destination of our futures.

Anyways..on to other things...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEN!! lovees youuu ;)

Celebrated Sze Wen's birthday at TGI Fridays, The Curve with the gang.
Oh, we're all getting older. more pics will be uploaded in Facebook..

The birthday girl.

Blow zee candles X)

Adrian Tan

JinYi and Wen's hand.

Jackson,Adrian and Amelia.

Sam and Wen

Sam and I

Jack and I

WaiHong and JinYi

Emotional overload

2008-09-04T22:43:00.003+08:00

I hate the way you look at me.
I hate the way you think of me.
and especially the way you use me.
I hate the way you
string me along,
all in time with your favorite song.
I hate the way you fucking pretend.
giving me hope
when my heart is on the mend.
I hate it when you lie to my face.
I hate it in your embrace.
I hate the way I feel so scared,
when I sense you're feeling bad.
I hate the way I put up fights,
just to get the memory out of my fucking sight.
I hate the way I can't forget,
no, not now..
not just yet.
I hate the way you make me feel,
eventhough I know, this can't be real.
I hate having those dreams,
felt so real it seems.
I hate running to you all the time,
so you can tell me I'll be just fine.
I hate knowing that it is an endless endeavour,
for your love I will feel never.
So, take my heart and runaway,
break it , burn it, throw it into the ocean
so I can fade away...